LAKE STEVENS, Wash. — They’re running a program called “Protecting Our Children” through the Lake Stevens police department. Police use interviews with convicted child molesters to give parents a look into how they think and act.
Gina Viveros-Rocha prefers the outdoors and does not care for enclosed spaces.
That’s why she always brings her dog – for safety and comfort.
“It affected every stage of my life,” Viveros-Rocha said.
For 20 years Viveros-Rocha carried a soul-crushing secret. She was being sexually abused, and it had been going on since she was just five years old.
“It was one of things where I didn’t realize it was wrong until it was too late,” Viveros-Rocha said, she wiped away a tear.
Viveros-Rocha said her abuser started by gaining her trust.
He normalized touching an adult, which eventually led to sexual contact.
As Viveros-Rocha grew older and more suspicious the abuser started to control her using guilt and shame.
“It would’ve been so easy to say something then, but I just couldn’t,” said Viveros-Rocha, as tears streamed down her cheeks. “I felt such shame and I carry it to this day. I can barely look in a mirror.”
Viveros-Rocha is a sadly typical story. She and her family were manipulated and groomed by the molester.
“You get the fear that no one is going to believe you,” Viveros-Rocha said.
In Snohomish County alone last year 1,540 children were molested. That's enough to fill 22 school buses.
According to the Centers for Disease Control, 1-in-4 girls and 1-in-6 boys will experience some sort of sexual abuse by 18 years old.
And those numbers are widely believed to be low. Federal sentencing statistics show nearly 94% of abusers are men.
Detectives Kristen Parnell and Phillip Bassett are making it their life’s work to stop the abuse.
They’re running a program called “Protecting Our Children” through the Lake Stevens police department. Police use interviews with convicted child molesters to give parents a look into how they think and act.
One subject is the grooming of potential victims.
“That’s part of the grooming process is getting them to trust you and rely on you,” Sam in a videotaped conversation.
The conversations come from a 1990s-era video called Truth, Lies and Sex Offenders.
In it, you hear the ways perpetrators try to manipulate parents and innocent children.
“You say the things that people want to hear,” said one man, flatly. “Things that you would like to hear. You exercise that sympathy.”
“The more nervous you can make (the children), the more it makes it seem lie, they’re lying,” a smiling man named Wayne said.
The video is dated but the information is fresh and powerful.
The training curriculum is put together by the Center for Behavioral Intervention in Beaverton, Oregon, and looks to lay bare the reality of child molestation in America.
“Our job is not to cause undue alarm," Bassett said. "Our job is to ring the alarm bell and say this is happening. Pay attention."
Among the myths, according to Bassett, is that most molesters are strangers laying in wait for an unsuspecting victim.
“A child molester is going to be someone you know," Bassett said. "A coach, a teacher an uncle, that second cousin. It’s going to be someone that you trust, that your child trusts."
In other words, the person most likely to molest your children is a person you readily give access to them. More than 90% of abusers are people the victims know.
Because of those relationships, experts said most children stay silent.
They don’t act out.
Most parents wouldn’t suspect anything was wrong -- until they looked a little closer at a hug that lasts too long or the child always spending time with a particular adult.
Parnell said it’s up to parents to be vigilant.
“You can expect the child to come to you,” Parnell said. “When you see behavior that would be odd for another person, but you want to give someone grace because they ‘would never harm’ your kid, don’t do that. Be aware of it and question it because that’s how they get away with it.”
Parnell said the bottom line for parents is, if it does not feel right, it probably is not.
“I’d rather report someone, lose a relationship and be wrong than to not say anything and see my child hurt," Parnell said.
A man we’ll call “Dave” is a convicted Level 3 sex offender from King County.
He agreed to speak with KING 5 under the condition of anonymity to protect himself.
Police want to keep his identity concealed to keep from further traumatizing his victims.
“I wanted to do this because I’m sure a lot of parents have things they look out for, but hearing it from a different perspective might enlighten things,” “Dave” said.
He explained sex offenders do what they do because "nothing else really matters other than getting what you want. It’s definitely easier to take advantage of kids.”
Experts believe, despite the common belief, only 30% of convicted child molesters were abused themselves.
For some reason, some people are simply attracted sexually to children.
Dave said winning the trust of a child is key. At first, it’s as simple as providing a little attention.
“Kids are more susceptible to receiving compliments,” he said. “If you’re bullied or don’t have many friends, if somebody gives you attention -- no matter where it’s from or even if it’s someone you don’t know -- it feels good so you’ll probably lean into it more.”
If the child tries to break away, then comes the manipulation.
“I think it moves from manipulation into force, physical force threats, extortion -- anything to get what they originally wanted,” Dave said. “If an adult is talking to a child, I can’t think of one reason why it would be positive.”
Viveros-Rocha called her molester “the monster I knew.”
She’s now courageously telling her story publicly for the first time – after 20 years of constant abuse. She addressed a group of people attending a recent “Protecting Our Children” seminar in Lake Stevens.
“I would say my inner child is scared of having this out there,” Viveros-Rocha said. “This man took advantage of my trust.”
That man, the “monster” she knew, was Viveros-Rocha's father. He is now serving a 47-year sentence and will likely die in prison.
“I hope when he looks in the mirror he sees me and remembers what he has done,” said Viveros-Rocha, sobbing as she told her story.
Viveros-Rocha just turned 30 years old. She’s happily married and is grateful for all the support she has received.
After a lifetime filled with abuse, her sentence is finally over.
“I’m living for the child that didn’t get to live,” Viveros-Rocha said, a smile finally breaking across her face. “That’s what kinda keeps me up and going.”
But the tears soon return. This time though, they are tears of relief.
“People need at least to know they’re not alone,” Viveros-Rocha said. “They can leave and people are still gonna love them.”