SEATTLE — The lockdown triggered by the COVID-19 pandemic has impacted everything from how we work, how our kids go to school and even how we communicate with loved ones.
Now that restrictions are finally starting to lift, how do you repair relationships with family members that might have gotten strained during the last year and a half?
“By telling our family members, anyone who is allowing anxiety to dictate their decisions, to call them out on it in a loving kind way. I recognize anxiety is ruling the roost for you right now. Please respect me as I am you, I cannot allow your anxiety or mine to dictate decisions because I know that's been proven to be unhealthy," said Dr. Karen Ruskin, a psychologist, marriage counselor, family therapist and relationship expert.
Ruskin stressed the importance of respecting your loved ones' boundaries without having to violate your own. However, it’s easy for boundaries to become blurred when you bring the office inside your home or have had to turn kitchen tables into online schools for the last year and a half.
All of that time cooped up together can be enough to drive anyone crazy. So what can you do to reset with your family? Ruskin said it's all about making and blocking time that is enjoyable with your family as well as setting time aside for yourself.
“Whether you're playing basketball, tennis, going for a walk, reading, meditating, it's all actions that are for self. And when it's family relational, whether it's taking a walk, whether it's playing a sport together, whether it's eating dinner together, something that is enjoyable," Ruskin said. "Movie, game night, anything, but it cannot just be about responsibilities.”
Ruskin also said that if we're only working and not enjoying any personal time with loved ones, the relationship becomes one of just obligation and responsibility, which can leave us feeling unhealthy and unfulfilled.
However, the pandemic isn’t just giving some family people cabin fever. It can also pit family members against each other, especially when they differ on how to handle the pandemic.
“So, it's a balancing act when you're interacting with someone that you care about who has a different position than you in general on any topic, let alone health anxiety. Health anxiety really triggers worry fear, because the mind believes if I do this, that will happen. That's like this devastating fear," Ruskin said.
The back-and-forth can quickly escalate tensions in an already stressful time and even family members with the best intentions can come off as controlling.
“An example is how sometimes one family member will say to the other one, ‘I think you have a cold' or 'you're getting a cold, I want you to isolate quarantine,’ as though now we have this right to tell a family member to quarantine," Ruskin explained. "It becomes this new way of communicating and to dictate quarantining. That is a struggle I'm seeing in families because then you feel like you're being controlled by your family member.”
That's why Ruskin stresses the importance of clear communication.
She also said it's important that we not allow anyone else’s fears or our own to dictate the decisions we make.