We're at the end of the first quarter for the political conventions, and Hillary Clinton is holding on to a slim 3.5-point lead. We still have two more days of the GOP Convention remaining, then the Democratic Convention begins Monday in Philadelphia. Between the two, there's a special halftime show planned: Melania Trump vs. Joe Biden in a copied-speech lip sync battle!
Trump: Not tired of winning
The #NeverTrump movement's end game was pretty much just as effective as their early game and middle game — which is to say, not effective at all. Donald Trump claimed the nomination of the Republican Party on Tuesday night, becoming the face of the Grand Old Party for either the four months, the next eight years or somewhere in between. After the customary rearranging of the alphabetical order of states, it was the delegates from New York who put Trump over the edge, with Donald Trump Jr. announcing the state's delegate totals. "Congratulations, Dad! We love you!" he said as Frank Sinatra's "New York, New York" played over the Quicken Loans Arena loudspeakers. His kids universally love him ... if only the unconditional love extended to the full speakers' lineup.
'We like Trump ... we just don't LIKE like him'
What's the bare minimum number of times you could mention your presidential nominee in a 12 1/2-minute prime-time convention speech? According to Paul Ryan, it's two. The speaker of the House had the coveted 9:15 EDT/6:15 PDT time slot, though he wasn't designated as the night's keynote speaker, and gave a speech that barely hinted at the disagreements he has with the party's nominee — for example, Ryan is pro-TPP and pro-immigration reform. "He’s not my kind of conservative, but I come from a different part of the wing of the party," Ryan said at a The Wall Street Journal luncheon yesterday.
The three biggest names on the agenda last night — Ryan, Republican National Chairman Reince Priebus and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell — all felt more comfortable making the case against Hillary Clinton than for Donald Trump. Ideally, conventions are a time when each party puts forward their case to the American public; instead, it sounded to the For the Record round-table discussion as if speakers were trying to shore up support within the party. Next week, will we see the same thing at the Democratic Convention — that is, will Clinton surrogates spend most of their time making the pro-Hillary case to Bernie Sanders supporters?
ROCFLMAO
The delegations of each state and territory each get their own little 30-second infomercial on the convention floor before announcing their votes (which we'd like to imagine has been going on for decades ... "Mr. Speaker, we're proud to be here representing the great state of New York, home of ironing boards, calliopes and Lobster Newburg ...") Our favorite moments from yesterday:
- Connecticut, which declared itself home to Pez and nuclear submarines, in that order
- Kansas, which attempted to claim partial credit for Missouri's Kansas City Royals
- Missouri, which took issue with Kansas about the Royals thing
- Minnesota, which declared itself birthplace of Spam before birthplace of Prince
- Nevada, probably attempting to declare Las Vegas the entertainment capital of the world, instead declared it the actual state capital
More from the campaign trail
- Scheduled host of first Trump-Clinton debate pulls out due to security concerns (Cincinnati Enquirer)
- Ben Carson's bank shot: He attacks Hillary Clinton for her thesis on Saul Alinsky, an activist who gave an acknowledgement to Lucifer, who loves doughnuts — which is a pretty roundabout way for Carson to tell everyone he's an Ariana Grande fan (USA TODAY OnPolitics)
- Fox News Chairman Roger Ailes is being pushed out the door during convention week, which is the Fox News equivalent of getting fired the week of Christmas (USA TODAY Money)
- Is Jill Stein the backup plan for Bernie Sanders supporters, or was it the other way around? (Burlington Free Press)
- Seriously, though — did we all forget that Bernie Sanders plagiarized Robin Williams? (For the Record, May 16)
Pence gets the green light to go on a crime spree
SNL's Michael Che and Colin Jost asked passersby in Cleveland to identify VP nominee Mike Pence — governor of the state next door to Ohio — out of a lineup of white men with white hair. We're pretty sure Pence could beat any police lineup in the city right now.
